Category: Witty

The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers. ~ Scott Adams

Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there. ~ Scott Adams

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? ~ Scott Adams

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. ~ Joey Adams

Abbott: Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who’s on first, What’s on second, I Don’t Know is on third.Costello: That’s what I want to find out. ~ Bud Abbott

Even he, to whom most things that most people would think were pretty smart were pretty dumb, thought it was pretty smart. ~ Douglas Adams

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair. ~ Douglas Adams

Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word ‘safe’ that I wasn’t previously aware of. ~ Douglas Adams

The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79. ~ Douglas Adams

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. ~ Douglas Adams

It is no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase ‘As pretty as an Airport’ appear. ~ Douglas Adams

In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. ~ Douglas Adams